Ring of Fire
If I remember the old Johnny Cash song correctly, it was exciting to try to get inside the ring of fire, but you could get burned, too. As a member of the clergy, it’s been a long time since I visited a church where my name wasn’t on the stationery, but I have a pretty good memory.
When I started as a pastor in Dallas, I asked for my first Sunday off so that I could visit as many churches as possible. My wife and daughter wisely bowed out of this mini-marathon, but my son, who was about 6 at the time, agreed to go with me. We looked at church schedules, calculated distances and driving times, and made a plan. We got up extra early Sunday morning, put on our best clothes, and set off. The first place we visited wanted us to come back very badly. Their attitude toward first time visitors was about the same as the mother waiting for her daughter’s gentleman caller in The Glass Menagerie. In other words, they were desperate for new members and they knew it.
In their desperation, they didn’t see me at all, just a warm body.
Our next stop was a huge church with a prestigious reputation and a well-known and powerful senior pastor. We noticed a huge Oriental rug in the reception area, heard dazzling musical selections, spirited congregational singing, and excellent preaching.
This was a busy church, with busy people inside. It soon became apparent that they were way too busy for us. We attempted to introduce ourselves to other people, but it didn’t work. Later, I coined a phrase for our experience. I called it the “chopped liver” effect, as in “What am I, chopped liver?” Years later I came to know the pastors of that church and many parishioners very well. They couldn’t imagine how they could have been so unfriendly. I reminded them that this was not the case. They were simply too busy to be welcoming.
Another visit involved a church of a different, but similar denomination than my own.
The building turned out to be a stunner architecturally. The people were very well-heeled, and I began to refer to the congregation in my mind as “Our Lady of Ralph Lauren” church, which as you will see, was not fair. My son and I were warmly greeted, and even after I explained that I was already committed to another place of worship, parishioners wrote us many warm notes thanking us for visiting and stating that they were praying for us. The short scripture quotes they included in their notes gave their promises authenticity. I ended up wishing that I could join that church.
I’m not sure what kind of advice to give people who are looking for a church, getting ready to step into that particular “ring of fire.” How about, be patient? Remember that the people inside are only human, just like you. That’s it. They are really just like you. How about some advice for churches who want to be more welcoming? My own church probably struggles, prays, and worries over that issue as much as any other. It seems to me that a church with people who are not too busy to see the visitor, then see the visitor as a person, and find genuine, caring ways of welcoming, will turn a ring of fire into a potential church home. And we all need a home, don’t we?
Rev. Richard W. Dow, Senior Pastor
St. Mark’s Lutheran Church
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