Listening and Hearing
I haven’t told this story for a long time, but it seems to fit what’s happening in our churches and our world right now. Here’s the story.
Our family has always had dachshunds, as least as far back as the early 1960’s. When I was ordained and Missy and I moved out of an apartment into an actual house, one of the first things we did was get a dachshund and name it Tootie. We changed jobs, moved, moved again, had children, and suddenly it was 17 years later. Tootie was now a geriatric pet, old and slow and ill. When the kids were little, she used to check on them as they slept each night. She was a loving dog in many ways and we didn’t like to think about the end of her life. We discussed the possibilities and tried to get ourselves ready for the inevitable.
One day as I was working in the front yard, our neighbor came over. She said that she had heard us talking about Tootie, and wanted to know more about her. I began to supply the details, about how loving she was, how much a part of the family, but how, now, in her later years she was no longer able to sleep in the bed and wet outside.
At this point, my neighbor’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and her jaw dropped. But, I continued to speak. “Tootie has great sentimental value to our family, but soon we will need to put her down and bury her in the backyard.”
Now, the neighbor could take no more. She said, “Richard! You are talking about your wife!” My response: “No I’m not. I’m talking about our dog!” I can’t remember when we stopped laughing (it took quite a while) but needless to say, from that time on we were much more diligent in using our listening skills.
My neighbor and I continued to laugh about the Tootie story until the day they moved away. As it turned out, not only did we lose Tootie eventually, but they lost their little son in a car accident. Careful listening helped me give them a meaningful funeral service, and to pick up on stages of grief and emotional needs in the long summer afterward. If I had one wish for those times, it would be that I had listened even more carefully and compassionately.
Martin Luther said of the 8th commandment that we should explain our neighbor’s actions in the kindest possible way. What that means to me is that our listening should be not only pinpoint accurate, but compassionate. When you listen, ask questions to clarify instead of saving your reaction for later. I’m thinking about the way church life and community life can be vastly improved by some basic listening skills. Listen accurately and compassionately. Among other things, you’ll be doing Tootie a big favor.
Pastor Richard W. Dow
St. Mark’s Lutheran Church
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